The Sexuality Temptation, Balancing Hormones and the HeadAs I had my early morning coffee, the "Dear Abby" column captured my eye. A reader wrote in with a dating issue and ended her letter with that often-heard stereotype that "Women use sex to obtain love, and men use love to obtain sex." This is a terrific summation of the "Sex Trap."
The Sex Trap resembles the Love Trap, where songs interpret excellent sex as love. However those who fall into the Sex Trap go even further since for these songs, having sex brings enormous meaning and effects.
Songs fall into the Sex Trap in one (or both) of 2 ways:
A.they think sex is a needed test of compatibility, (if the sex is excellent then the relationship will ready too).
B.more typically, all consciousness heads out the window, and one or both formerly level-headed singles consider themselves a committed couple as quickly as they have sex.
Rather than looking at whether this other person might be a match on levels other than physical tourist attraction-- such as long-term requirements, needs, and wants-- they are blind-sided by the chemistry under the covers.
No doubt, it can be challenging to stay connected with reality when all those hormones are running wild. Our body responds to somebody we are attracted to by producing hormonal agents such as PEA or phenylethylamine (natural amphetamine), dopamine and norepinephrine (natural state of mind enhancers), and testosterone ( boosts sexual desire), that makes the chance to make love with somebody we are drawn in to very difficult to withstand. Then, after orgasm, we produce oxytocin (which acts upon the hypothalamus to produce feelings), that makes us feel really near and bonded with our sex partner.
These chain reactions are involuntary and strong , resulting in powerful feelings of attraction, excitement, closeness, love, and well-being .
When issues occur, those who fall into the Sex Trap often justify by thinking, "Well, we've got issues, but the sex is excellent!" They probably would not confess, but they focus on physical intimacy and relate to the rest as optional. Their main hunting tools are sexual attraction and physical compatibility.
Barry North, an RCI coach who works mostly with gay guys, says that a lot of his clients have actually fallen under the Sex Trap.
" For gay men specifically in cities, sex is readily available, which in itself is a imp source trap," North says. "In addition, the culture, with its focus on physical appearance, encourages sexual activity. Numerous gay guys wish to discover from the starting if a possible partner is going to be sexually compatible. Why waste your time if the sex isn't really going to be great?".
However, North adds, "I think this is a ' man' thing instead of a 'gay' thing.".
I do wish to point out that chemistry is important. Chemistry is a provided that we can't control in a relationship; it is either there or not there, and it should be there for the collaboration to work. If not there, we cannot "make" chemistry happen, though in some cases it can grow over time.
Singles who pursue a relationship based upon sexual chemistry danger relationship failure when the hormone-induced intoxication disappears and truth hits.
To prevent the Sex Trap, you should balance your heart (and hormones) with your head. This suggests combining chemistry with good sense. While excellent sex is essential for a helpful resources sustainable relationship, you have to make your partner options by paying full focus on your vision, goals, worths, and requirements -- while feeling all those amazing triggers!