The Sexuality Temptation, Balancing Hormonal Agents and the BrainAs I had my early morning coffee, the "Dear Abby" column caught my eye. A reader wrote in with a dating problem and ended her letter with that often-heard stereotype that "Women utilize sex to get love, and males use love to get sex." This is a excellent summation of the "Sex Trap."
The Sex Trap is comparable to the Love Trap, where singles translate good sex as love. Those who fall into the Sex Trap go even farther due to the fact that for these songs, having sex brings immense meaning and effects.
Singles fall into the Sex Trap in one (or both) of 2 methods:
A.they believe sex is a essential test of compatibility, (if the sex is great then the relationship will ready as well).
B.more typically, all awareness heads out the window, and one or both formerly level-headed singles consider themselves a committed couple as quickly as they have sex.
Rather than looking at whether this other person might be a match on levels other than physical tourist attraction-- such as long-lasting requirements, needs, and wants-- they are blind-sided by the chemistry under the covers.
No doubt, it can be challenging to keep in touch with reality when all those hormones are cutting loose. Our body responds to somebody we are brought in to by producing hormonal agents such as PEA or phenylethylamine (natural amphetamine), dopamine and norepinephrine (natural state of mind enhancers), and testosterone ( boosts libido), makings the chance to make love with someone we are drawn in to very difficult to resist. Then, after orgasm, we produce oxytocin (which acts upon the hypothalamus to produce feelings), that makes us feel really near to and bonded with our sex partner.
These chain reactions are strong and uncontrolled , resulting in powerful sensations of attraction, enjoyment, well-being, closeness, and love .
But when issues develop, those who fall into the Sex read this post here Trap frequently rationalize by believing, "Well, we've got problems, however the sex is terrific!" They probably would not confess, but they prioritize physical intimacy and relate to the rest as optional. Their primary scouting tools are sexual destination and physical compatibility.
Barry North, an RCI coach who works mostly with gay men, says that a lot of his clients have fallen under the Sex Trap.
" For gay males particularly in urbane locations, sex is easily offered, which in itself is a trap," North states. "In addition, the culture, with its focus on physical this post look, motivates sex. Lots of gay males want to discover from the starting if a possible partner is going to be sexually suitable. Why waste your time if the sex isn't going to be good?".
North adds, "I suspect this is a ' person' thing rather than a 'gay' thing.".
I do want to point out that chemistry is important. Yet, chemistry is a given that we cannot control in a relationship; it is either there or not there, and it must be there for the collaboration to work. If not there, we cannot "make" chemistry take place, though in some cases it can grow in time.
When the hormone-induced intoxication uses off and reality hits, Singles who pursue a relationship based upon sexual chemistry danger relationship failure.
To prevent the Sex Trap, you should stabilize your heart (and hormones) with your head. This means combining chemistry with typical sense. While excellent sex is necessary for a sustainable relationship, you have to make your partner choices by paying complete focus on your vision, worths, requirements, and goals -- while feeling all those exciting sparks!