The Sexuality Lure, Stabilizing Hormonal Agents and the BrainAs I had my early morning coffee, the "Dear Abby" column captured my eye. A reader composed in with a dating dilemma and ended her letter with that often-heard stereotype that "Women use sex to get love, and males utilize love to obtain sex." This is a great summation of the "Sex Trap."
The Sex Trap is comparable to the Love Trap, where songs interpret good sex as love. However those who fall into the Sex Trap go even further because for these singles, making love carries immense significance and consequences.
Singles fall under the Sex Trap in one (or both) of two ways:
A.they think sex is a essential test of compatibility, (if the sex readies then the relationship will be great too).
B.more commonly, all awareness goes out the window, and one or both previously level-headed singles consider themselves a dedicated couple as soon as they make love.
So, rather than looking at whether this other person may be a match on levels besides physical destination-- such as long-lasting requirements, requirements, and wants-- they are blind-sided by the chemistry under the covers.
No doubt, it can be challenging to stay connected with reality when all those hormones are running wild. Our body reacts to someone we are brought in to by producing hormonal agents such as PEA or phenylethylamine (natural amphetamine), dopamine and norepinephrine (natural mood enhancers), and testosterone (increases sexual desire), makings the opportunity to have sex with somebody we are brought in to exceptionally difficult to withstand. Then, after orgasm, we produce oxytocin (which acts on the hypothalamus to produce emotions), makings us feel really near to and bonded with our sex partner.
These chain reactions are strong and involuntary , leading to powerful sensations of tourist attraction, enjoyment, nearness, love, and well-being .
When problems develop, those who fall into the Sex Trap often justify by believing, "Well, we've got problems, but the sex is fantastic!" They probably wouldn't confess, but they focus on physical intimacy and regard the rest as optional. Their primary searching tools are sexual tourist attraction and physical compatibility.
Barry North, an RCI coach who works mainly with gay men, states that a number of his customers have actually fallen into the Sex Trap.
" For gay men specifically in cosmopolitan locations, sex is readily offered, and that in itself is a trap," North says. Why waste your time if the sex isn't really going to be great?".
North includes, "I believe this is a 'guy' thing rather than a 'gay' thing.".
I do wish to point out that chemistry is necessary. Chemistry is a offered that we cannot control in a relationship; it is either there or useful source not there, and it should be there for the partnership to work. If not there, we can't "make" chemistry happen, though in some cases it can grow with time.
When the hormone-induced intoxication uses off and reality hits, Singles who pursue a relationship based upon sexual chemistry threat relationship failure.
To prevent the Sex Trap, you should stabilize your heart (and hormonal agents) with your head. This means integrating chemistry with good sense. While good sex is important for a sustainable relationship, you require to make your partner options by paying complete attention to your vision, requirements, values, and objectives -- while feeling all those amazing triggers!