The Sexuality Catch, Balancing Hormonal Agents and the BrainAs I had my early morning coffee, the "Dear Abby" column caught my eye. A reader wrote in with a dating dilemma and ended her letter with that often-heard stereotype that "Women use sex to obtain love, and males use love to get sex." This is a excellent summation of the "Sex Trap."
The Sex Trap is similar to the Love Trap, where songs analyze great sex as love. Those who fall into the Sex Trap go even further due to the fact that for these singles, having sex carries enormous significance and effects.
Singles fall into the Sex Trap in one (or both) of two ways:
A.they think sex is a necessary test of compatibility, (if the sex is great then the relationship will be excellent as well).
B.more frequently, all awareness goes out the window, and one or both formerly level-headed singles consider themselves a committed couple as quickly as they make love.
So, instead of taking a look at whether this other person may be a match on levels other than physical tourist attraction-- such as long-lasting requirements, requirements, and desires-- they are blind-sided by the chemistry under the covers.
No doubt, it can be challenging to stay connected with reality when all those hormones are running wild. Our body responds to someone we are attracted to by producing hormones such as PEA or phenylethylamine (natural amphetamine), dopamine and norepinephrine (natural state of mind enhancers), and testosterone ( boosts sexual desire), makings the opportunity to have sex with somebody we are brought in to incredibly hard to withstand. After orgasm, we produce oxytocin (which acts on the hypothalamus to produce feelings), which makes us feel extremely close to and bonded with our sex partner.
These chain reactions are strong and uncontrolled , causing powerful sensations of attraction, excitement, well-being, love, and nearness .
When problems occur, those who fall into the Sex Trap typically rationalize by believing, "Well, we've got issues, however the sex is terrific!" They more than likely would not confess, however they prioritize physical intimacy and relate to the rest as optional. Their primary searching tools are sexual destination and physical compatibility.
Barry North, an RCI coach who works mostly with gay males, states that a lot of his clients have fallen into the Sex Trap.
" For gay males especially in cities, sex this hyperlink is easily offered, her response and that in itself is a trap," North states. "In addition, the culture, with its emphasis on physical appearance, encourages sexual activity. If a possible partner is going to be sexually suitable, numerous gay guys desire to find out from the starting. Why waste your time if the sex isn't really going to be great?".
North adds, "I think this is a ' person' thing rather than a 'gay' thing.".
I do desire to explain that chemistry is very important. Yet, chemistry is a considered that we cannot control in a relationship; it is either there or not there, and it must be there for the partnership to work. If not there, we can't "make" chemistry occur, though sometimes it can grow over time.
When the hormone-induced intoxication wears off and truth hits, Singles who pursue a relationship based upon sexual chemistry threat relationship failure.
To avoid the Sex Trap, you should stabilize your heart (and hormonal agents) with your head. This indicates integrating chemistry with typical sense. While good sex is crucial for a sustainable relationship, you require to make your partner options by paying full attention to your vision, requirements, worths, and goals -- while feeling all those exciting stimulates!