The Sex Deception, Balancing Hormones and the SkullAs I had my morning coffee, the "Dear Abby" column captured my eye. A reader composed in with a dating issue and ended her letter with that often-heard stereotype that "Women utilize sex to get love, and guys utilize love to get sex." This is a excellent summation of the "Sex Trap."
The Sex Trap is comparable to the Love Trap, where songs interpret great sex as love. But those who fall into the Sex Trap go even further due to the fact that for these songs, making love carries immense meaning and consequences.
Songs fall into the Sex Trap in one (or both) of 2 methods:
A.they think sex is a required test of compatibility, (if the sex readies then the relationship will be excellent too).
B.more frequently, all awareness heads out the window, and one or both formerly level-headed singles consider themselves a dedicated couple as quickly as they have sex.
So, instead of looking at whether this other person may be a match on levels aside from physical destination-- such as long-term requirements, requirements, and wants-- they are blind-sided by the chemistry under the covers.
No doubt, it can be challenging to communicate with truth when all those hormonal agents are cutting loose. Our body reacts to somebody we are brought in to by producing hormonal agents such as PEA or phenylethylamine (natural amphetamine), dopamine and norepinephrine (natural state of mind enhancers), and testosterone (increases sexual desire), that makes the chance to have sex with somebody we are drawn in to very hard to resist. Then, after orgasm, we produce oxytocin (which acts upon the hypothalamus to produce emotions), her response makings us feel very near to and bonded with our sex partner.
These chain reactions are uncontrolled and Source strong , causing effective sensations of attraction, excitement, love, closeness, and well-being .
When problems develop, those who fall into the Sex Trap frequently rationalize by believing, "Well, we've got issues, however the sex is excellent!" They more than likely would not confess it, but they focus on physical intimacy and concern the rest as optional. Their primary searching tools are sexual destination and physical compatibility.
Barry North, an RCI coach who works primarily with gay men, says that numerous of his customers have fallen into the Sex Trap.
" For gay guys especially in city areas, sex is readily available, and that in itself is a trap," North states. Why waste your time if the sex isn't really going to be great?".
North adds, "I presume this is a ' person' thing rather than a 'gay' thing.".
I do want to mention that chemistry is crucial. Yet, chemistry is a considered that we can't control in a relationship; it is either there or not there, and it should be there for the partnership to work. If not there, we can't "make" chemistry take place, though often it can grow over time.
Singles who pursue a relationship based upon sexual chemistry threat relationship failure when the hormone-induced intoxication subsides and reality hits.
To prevent the Sex Trap, you need to stabilize your heart (and hormonal agents) with your head. This suggests integrating chemistry with sound judgment. While excellent sex is essential for a sustainable relationship, you require to make your partner choices by paying full focus on your vision, requirements, goals, and values -- while feeling all those interesting triggers!