The Sex Catch, Stabilizing Hormones and the NogginAs I had my early morning coffee, the "Dear Abby" column captured my eye. A reader wrote in with a dating dilemma and ended her letter with that often-heard stereotype that "Women utilize sex to obtain love, and men utilize love to get sex." This is a great summation of the "Sex Trap."
The Sex Trap resembles the Love Trap, where songs interpret excellent sex as love. Those who fall into the Sex Trap go even farther due to the fact that for these singles, having sex carries immense meaning and effects.
Singles fall into the Sex Trap in one (or both) of 2 ways:
A.they believe sex is a essential test of compatibility, (if the sex is great then the relationship will ready also).
B.more frequently, all consciousness goes out the window, and one or both previously level-headed songs consider themselves a committed couple as quickly as they make love.
So, rather than taking a look at whether this other person might be a match on levels besides physical destination-- such as long-term requirements, requirements, and desires-- they are blind-sided by the chemistry under the covers.
No doubt, it can be challenging to keep in touch with truth when all those hormones are running wild. Our body reacts to somebody we are attracted to by producing hormones such as PEA or phenylethylamine (natural amphetamine), dopamine and norepinephrine (natural mood enhancers), and testosterone (increases sexual desire), that makes the opportunity to have sex with someone we are this contact form drawn in to exceptionally tough to withstand. After orgasm, we produce oxytocin (which acts on the hypothalamus to produce emotions), which makes us feel very close to and bonded with our sex partner.
These chemical reactions are involuntary and strong , leading to effective sensations of destination, enjoyment, love, wellness, and nearness .
When problems occur, those who fall into the Sex Trap often justify by believing, "Well, we've got problems, however the sex is fantastic!" They most likely would not confess, however they prioritize physical intimacy and regard the rest as optional. Their primary searching tools are sexual attraction and physical compatibility.
Barry North, an RCI coach who works mostly with gay guys, states that a number of his customers have fallen under the Sex Trap.
" For gay males especially in urbane areas, sex is readily offered, and that in itself is a trap," North states. Why waste your time if the sex isn't going to be great?".
However, North includes, "I think this is a ' man' thing instead of a 'gay' thing.".
I do desire to mention that chemistry is essential. Chemistry is a given that we can't control in a relationship; it is either there or not there, and it should be there for the partnership to work. If not there, we can't "make" chemistry occur, though in some cases it can grow with time.
When the hormone-induced intoxication uses off and truth hits, Singles who pursue a relationship based upon sexual chemistry threat relationship failure.
To prevent the Sex Trap, you need to stabilize your heart (and hormones) with your head. This implies combining chemistry with good sense. While good sex is essential for a sustainable relationship, you have to make your partner options by paying complete attention to your vision, goals, values, and requirements -- while feeling all those interesting sparks!