The Sex Catch, Balancing Hormonal Agents and the MindAs I had my early morning coffee, the "Dear Abby" column captured my eye. A reader wrote in with a dating issue and ended her letter with that often-heard stereotype that "Women utilize sex to obtain love, and guys use love to get sex." This is a excellent summation of the "Sex Trap."
The Sex Trap is similar to the Love Trap, where songs translate excellent sex as love. However those who fall under the Sex Trap go even further due to the fact that for these singles, making love carries tremendous significance and repercussions.
Singles fall into the Sex Trap in one (or both) of two ways:
A.they believe sex is a necessary test of compatibility, (if the sex readies then the relationship will be excellent as well).
B.more typically, all consciousness heads out the window, and one or both formerly level-headed singles consider themselves a committed couple as soon as they have sex.
So, instead of looking at whether this other individual may be a match on levels besides physical tourist attraction-- such as long-lasting requirements, requirements, and wants-- they are blind-sided by the chemistry under the covers.
No doubt, it can be challenging to stay connected with truth when all those hormones are cutting loose. Our body reacts to somebody we are drawn in to by producing hormonal agents such as PEA or phenylethylamine (natural amphetamine), dopamine and norepinephrine (natural mood enhancers), and testosterone ( boosts sexual desire), that makes the chance to make love with someone we are attracted to very hard to resist. Then, after orgasm, we produce oxytocin (which acts on the hypothalamus to produce feelings), which makes us feel extremely near and bonded with our sex partner.
These chemical responses are strong and involuntary , resulting in powerful Get the facts sensations of tourist attraction, excitement, wellness, closeness, and love .
But when issues emerge, those who fall under the Sex Trap typically justify by thinking, "Well, we've got problems, however the sex is terrific!" They probably wouldn't confess, however they prioritize physical intimacy and concern the rest as optional. Their primary searching tools are sexual tourist attraction and physical compatibility.
Barry North, an RCI coach who works mainly with gay guys, states that many of his customers have fallen into the Sex Trap.
" For gay men particularly in urban areas, sex is easily available, and that in itself is a trap," North says. Why waste your time if the sex isn't going to be great?".
However, North adds, "I suspect this is a 'guy' thing rather than a 'gay' thing.".
I do wish to point out that chemistry is essential. Yet, chemistry is a given that we can't control in a relationship; it is either there or not there, and it must be there for the collaboration to work. If not there, we can't "make" chemistry occur, though often it can grow with time.
Singles who pursue a relationship based upon sexual chemistry risk relationship failure when the hormone-induced intoxication wears off and truth hits.
To prevent the Sex Trap, you need to stabilize your heart (and hormonal agents) with your head. This means combining chemistry with common sense. While great sex is very important for a sustainable relationship, you have to make your partner options by paying full attention to your vision, values, goals, and requirements -- while feeling all those exciting stimulates!