The Sensuality Snare, Stabilizing Hormonal Agents and the CraniumAs I had my morning coffee, the "Dear Abby" column captured my eye. A reader wrote in with a dating dilemma and ended her letter with that often-heard stereotype that "Women utilize sex to get love, and males use love to obtain sex." This is a terrific summation of the "Sex Trap."
The Sex Trap is similar to the Love Trap, where songs interpret excellent sex as love. Those who fall into the Sex Trap go even farther because for these songs, having sex carries tremendous meaning and effects.
Singles fall into the Sex Trap in one (or both) of 2 ways:
A.they think sex is a necessary test of compatibility, (if the sex is great then the relationship will be good too).
B.more typically, all awareness goes out the window, and one or both formerly level-headed songs consider themselves a committed couple as quickly as they make love.
Rather than looking at whether this other person might be a match on levels other than physical destination-- such as long-term requirements, needs, and wants-- they are blind-sided by the chemistry under the covers.
No doubt, it can be challenging to correspond with truth when all those hormones are running wild. Our body reacts to someone we are drawn in to by producing hormonal agents such as PEA or phenylethylamine (natural amphetamine), dopamine and norepinephrine (natural state of mind enhancers), and testosterone (increases sexual desire), which makes the chance to have sex with someone we are attracted to very tough to withstand. After orgasm, we produce oxytocin (which acts on the hypothalamus to produce feelings), which makes us feel really close to and bonded with our sex partner.
These chemical responses are strong and involuntary , causing powerful sensations of destination, enjoyment, love, wellness, and nearness .
When issues develop, those who fall into the Sex Trap frequently rationalize by believing, "Well, we've got problems, but the sex is terrific!" They probably would not confess, however they focus on physical intimacy and regard the rest as optional. Their main hunting tools are sexual destination and physical compatibility.
Barry North, an RCI coach who works primarily with gay guys, states that much of his customers have actually fallen under the Sex Trap.
" For gay guys particularly in cities, sex is readily available, which in itself is a trap," North says. "In addition, the culture, with its emphasis on physical look, encourages sex. Numerous gay men desire to discover from the starting if a prospective partner is going to be sexually suitable. Why waste your time if the sex isn't really going to ready?".
Nonetheless, North adds, "I believe this is a 'guy' thing rather than a 'gay' thing.".
I do wish to point out that Your Domain Name chemistry is essential. Yet, chemistry is a given that we can't control in a relationship; it is either there or not there, and it needs to be there for the collaboration to work. If not there, we can't "make" chemistry happen, though in some cases it can grow over time.
When the hormone-induced intoxication uses off and reality hits, Singles who pursue a relationship based upon sexual chemistry risk relationship failure.
To avoid the Sex Trap, you need to stabilize your heart (and hormonal agents) with your head. This means combining chemistry with common sense. While good sex is very important for a sustainable relationship, you have to make your partner options by paying complete focus on your vision, objectives, worths, and requirements -- while feeling all those interesting stimulates!