The Sensuality Pitfall, Stabilizing Hormones and the SkullAs I had my early morning coffee, the "Dear Abby" column caught my eye. A reader wrote in with a dating dilemma and ended her letter with that often-heard stereotype that "Women utilize sex to get love, and males use love to get sex." This is a excellent summation of the "Sex Trap."
The Sex Trap is similar to the Love Trap, where songs translate great sex as love. Those who fall into the Sex Trap go even farther due to the fact that for these singles, having sex brings tremendous meaning and repercussions.
Songs fall into the Sex Trap in one (or both) of 2 methods:
A.they think sex is a essential test of compatibility, (if the sex is good then the relationship will be excellent also).
B.more commonly, all awareness goes out the window, and one or both formerly level-headed singles consider themselves a dedicated couple as quickly as they have sex.
Rather than looking at whether this other individual may be a match on levels other than physical attraction-- such as long-term requirements, needs, and desires-- they are blind-sided by the chemistry under the covers.
No doubt, it can be challenging to communicate with reality when all those hormones are running wild. Our body reacts to someone we are drawn in to by producing hormones such as PEA or phenylethylamine (natural amphetamine), dopamine and norepinephrine (natural mood enhancers), and testosterone (increases sexual desire), that makes the opportunity to have sex with somebody we are brought in to very tough to withstand. Then, after orgasm, we produce oxytocin try here (which acts on the hypothalamus to produce emotions), makings us feel extremely close to and bonded with our sex partner.
These chain reactions are strong and uncontrolled , leading to effective sensations of tourist attraction, excitement, love, closeness, and well-being .
When problems occur, those who fall into the Sex Trap often justify by thinking, "Well, we've got issues, however the sex is fantastic!" They most likely would not confess, however they prioritize physical intimacy and relate to the rest as optional. Their main hunting tools are sexual destination and physical compatibility.
Barry North, an RCI coach who works primarily with gay males, says that a number of his customers have fallen under the Sex Trap.
" For gay guys specifically in city locations, sex is easily available, and that in itself is a trap," North says. Why waste your time if the sex isn't going to be great?".
North adds, "I suspect this is a 'guy' thing rather than a 'gay' thing.".
I do want to explain that chemistry is crucial. Yet, chemistry is a considered that we can't control in a relationship; it is either there or not there, and it must be there for the partnership to work. If not there, we cannot "make" chemistry take place, though often it can grow with time.
Songs who pursue a relationship based upon sexual chemistry threat relationship failure when the hormone-induced intoxication uses off and truth hits.
To prevent the Sex Trap, you need to stabilize your heart (and hormones) with your head. This indicates combining chemistry with sound judgment. While good sex is essential for a sustainable relationship, you have to make your partner options by paying full attention to your vision, worths, objectives, and requirements -- while feeling all those interesting triggers!