The Sensuality Pitfall, Stabilizing Hormones and the CraniumAs I had my morning coffee, the "Dear Abby" column caught my eye. A reader wrote in with a dating predicament and ended her letter with that often-heard stereotype that "Women use sex to get love, and men use love to get sex." This is a fantastic summation of the "Sex Trap."
The Sex Trap is similar to the Love Trap, where singles interpret good sex as love. But those who fall into the Sex Trap go even farther because for these singles, having sex carries tremendous meaning and repercussions.
Singles fall into the Sex Trap in one (or both) of two methods:
A.they think sex is a required test of compatibility, (if the sex is excellent then the relationship will ready also).
B.more frequently, all consciousness goes out the window, and one or both formerly level-headed singles consider themselves a committed couple as quickly as they have sex.
Rather than looking at whether this other individual might be a match on levels other than physical tourist attraction-- such as long-term requirements, requirements, and wants-- they are blind-sided by the chemistry under the covers.
No doubt, it can be challenging to correspond with reality when all those hormones are cutting loose. Our body responds to somebody we are brought in to by producing hormonal agents such as PEA or phenylethylamine (natural amphetamine), dopamine and norepinephrine (natural state of mind enhancers), and testosterone ( boosts libido), this content that makes the opportunity to make love with somebody we are brought in to exceptionally tough to withstand. After orgasm, we produce oxytocin (which acts on the hypothalamus to produce emotions), which makes us feel very close to and bonded with our sex partner.
These chemical reactions are involuntary and strong , leading to effective feelings of attraction, excitement, love, well-being, and nearness .
When problems arise, those who fall into the Sex Trap often justify by believing, "Well, we've got issues, however the sex is excellent!" They most likely wouldn't confess, but they prioritize physical intimacy and concern the rest as optional. Their main hunting tools are sexual destination and physical compatibility.
Barry North, an RCI coach who works mostly with gay males, states that a lot of his clients have fallen into the Sex Trap.
" For gay men specifically in metropolitan locations, sex is readily available, and that in itself is a trap," North states. Why waste your time if the sex isn't going to be excellent?".
North adds, "I believe this is a ' man' thing rather than a 'gay' thing.".
I do want to mention that chemistry is very important. Yet, chemistry is a considered that we cannot manage in a relationship; it is either there or not there, and it must be there for the collaboration to work. If not there, we cannot "make" chemistry happen, though often it can grow gradually.
Singles who pursue a relationship based upon sexual chemistry threat relationship failure when the hormone-induced intoxication wears away and truth hits.
To avoid the Sex Trap, you should balance your heart (and hormones) with your head. This suggests combining chemistry with good sense. While excellent sex is essential for a sustainable relationship, you require to make your partner options by paying full attention to your vision, requirements, goals, and worths -- while feeling all those amazing sparks!