The Sensuality Pitfall, Stabilizing Hormonal Agents and the CraniumAs I had my early morning coffee, the "Dear Abby" column caught my eye. A reader wrote in with a dating problem and ended her letter with that often-heard stereotype that "Women utilize sex to obtain love, and men utilize love to get sex." This is a great summation of the "Sex Trap."
The Sex Trap is similar to the Love Trap, where songs analyze excellent sex as love. Those who fall into the Sex Trap go even farther because for these singles, having sex carries immense significance and consequences.
Songs fall under the Sex Trap in one (or both) of 2 methods:
A.they believe sex is a needed test of compatibility, (if the sex readies then the relationship will ready too).
B.more frequently, all consciousness goes out the window, and one or both previously level-headed songs consider themselves a dedicated couple as soon as they make love.
Rather than looking at whether this other person might be a match on levels other than physical attraction-- such as long-term requirements, requirements, and desires-- they are blind-sided by the chemistry under the covers.
No doubt, it can be challenging to correspond with truth when all those hormonal agents are cutting loose. Our body responds to someone we are drawn in to by producing hormonal agents such as PEA or phenylethylamine (natural amphetamine), dopamine and norepinephrine (natural state of mind enhancers), and testosterone ( boosts libido), makings the opportunity to have sex with somebody we are attracted to incredibly tough to withstand. Then, after orgasm, we produce oxytocin (which acts upon the hypothalamus to produce emotions), which makes us feel very close to and bonded with our sex partner.
These chemical reactions are strong and uncontrolled , resulting in powerful feelings of destination, enjoyment, well-being, love, and nearness .
But when problems occur, those who fall under the Sex Trap frequently rationalize by thinking, "Well, we've got problems, however the sex is terrific!" They most likely wouldn't confess, but they focus on physical intimacy and relate to the rest as optional. Their main hunting tools are sexual attraction and physical compatibility.
Barry North, an RCI coach who works primarily with gay men, says that much of his clients have actually fallen into the Sex Trap.
" For gay males especially in cities, sex is readily available, which in itself is a trap," North states. "In addition, the culture, with its focus on company website physical appearance, encourages sex. Lots of gay guys desire to discover from the starting if a prospective partner is going to be sexually compatible. Why waste your time if the sex isn't really going to be excellent?".
North includes, "I presume this is a ' man' thing rather than a 'gay' thing.".
I do want to point out that chemistry is important. Chemistry is a offered that we can't control in a relationship; it is either there or not there, and it needs to be there for the partnership to work. If not there, we can't "make" chemistry take place, though in some cases it can grow gradually.
When the hormone-induced intoxication wears off and truth hits, Singles who pursue a relationship based upon sexual chemistry danger relationship failure.
To prevent the Sex Trap, you need to stabilize your heart (and hormones) with your check my source head. This suggests combining chemistry with good sense. While good sex is necessary for a sustainable relationship, you have to make your partner options by paying full attention to your vision, values, goals, and requirements -- while feeling all those amazing triggers!