The Sensuality Lure, Balancing Hormonal Agents and the CraniumAs I had my early morning coffee, the "Dear Abby" column captured my eye. A reader composed in with a dating problem and ended her letter with that often-heard stereotype that "Women use sex to get love, and males utilize love to obtain sex." This is a fantastic summation of the "Sex Trap."
The Sex Trap resembles the Love Trap, where songs analyze great sex as love. Those who fall into the Sex Trap go even farther because for these singles, having sex carries enormous meaning and consequences.
Singles fall under the Sex Trap in one (or both) of 2 ways:
A.they think sex is a required test of compatibility, (if the sex readies then the relationship will be good as well).
B.more frequently, all consciousness heads out the window, and one or both previously level-headed singles consider themselves a dedicated couple as quickly as they make love.
So, instead of looking at whether this other individual might be a match on levels other than physical tourist attraction-- such as long-term requirements, requirements, and wants-- they are blind-sided by the chemistry under the covers.
No doubt, it can be challenging to keep in touch with reality when all those hormones are cutting loose. Our body reacts to someone we are attracted to by producing hormones such as PEA or phenylethylamine (natural amphetamine), dopamine and norepinephrine (natural state of mind enhancers), and testosterone (increases sexual desire), makings the chance to have sex with somebody we are brought in to incredibly difficult to withstand. Then, after orgasm, we produce oxytocin (which acts upon the hypothalamus to produce feelings), which makes us feel very near and bonded with our sex partner.
These chain reactions are strong and uncontrolled , leading to powerful sensations of tourist attraction, enjoyment, nearness, wellness, and love .
However when problems arise, those who fall into the Sex Trap often rationalize by see this page thinking, "Well, we've got issues, however the sex is great!" They more than likely would not confess, but they prioritize physical intimacy and relate to the rest as optional. Their primary hunting tools are sexual destination and physical compatibility.
Barry North, an RCI coach who works mainly with gay males, states that a number of his clients have actually fallen under the Sex Trap.
" For gay guys particularly in cities, sex is readily available, which in itself is a trap," North states. "In addition, the culture, with its focus on physical appearance, motivates sexual activity. If a potential partner is going to be sexually compatible, lots of gay guys desire to discover out from the beginning. Why waste your time if the sex isn't really going to ready?".
North adds, "I think this is a ' man' thing rather than a 'gay' thing.".
I do desire to mention that chemistry is very important. Chemistry is a given that we cannot control in a relationship; it is either there or not there, and it must be there for the partnership to work. If not there, we cannot "make" chemistry happen, though in some cases it can grow gradually.
Songs who pursue a relationship based upon sexual chemistry danger relationship failure when the hormone-induced intoxication wears away and reality hits.
To prevent the Sex Trap, you need to balance your heart (and hormones) with your head. This implies combining chemistry with common sense. While good sex is necessary for a sustainable relationship, you need to make your partner options by paying complete focus on your vision, goals, values, and requirements -- while feeling all those exciting sparks!