The Intimacy Lure, Balancing Hormones and the HeadAs I had my morning coffee, the "Dear Abby" column caught my eye. A reader wrote in with a dating dilemma and ended her letter with that often-heard stereotype that "Women use sex to get love, and males use love to get sex." This is a fantastic summation of the "Sex Trap."
The Sex Trap is similar to the Love Trap, where singles translate good sex as love. But those who fall into the Sex Trap go even further since for these singles, making love brings tremendous significance and repercussions.
Songs fall under the Sex Trap in one (or both) of 2 ways:
A.they think sex is a essential test of compatibility, (if the sex is good then the relationship will be excellent too).
B.more commonly, all consciousness goes out the window, and one or both previously level-headed songs consider themselves a committed couple as soon as they have sex.
So, rather than taking a look at whether this other person may be a match on levels other than physical tourist attraction-- such as long-term requirements, needs, and desires-- they are blind-sided by the chemistry under the covers.
No doubt, it can be challenging to correspond with reality when all those hormones are cutting loose. Our body responds to someone we are attracted to by producing hormones such as PEA or phenylethylamine (natural amphetamine), dopamine and norepinephrine (natural state of mind enhancers), and testosterone (increases sexual desire), that makes the opportunity to make love with someone we are brought in to very difficult to resist. Then, after orgasm, we produce oxytocin (which acts on the hypothalamus to produce feelings), that makes us feel really near and bonded with our sex partner.
These chemical reactions are strong and uncontrolled , causing effective sensations of tourist attraction, enjoyment, well-being, nearness, and love .
But when issues develop, those who fall into the Sex Trap frequently rationalize by believing, "Well, we've got issues, but the sex is excellent!" They most likely wouldn't confess, but they focus on physical intimacy and concern the rest as optional. Their main reference hunting tools are sexual attraction and physical compatibility.
Barry North, an RCI coach who works primarily with gay guys, says that a number of his clients have fallen under the Sex Trap.
" For gay men especially in urban areas, sex is easily available, which in itself is a trap," North says. "In addition, the culture, with its emphasis on physical look, motivates sex. If a potential partner is going to be sexually compatible, many gay males desire to discover out from the beginning. Why waste your time if the sex isn't really going to ready?".
However, North adds, "I presume this is a 'guy' thing rather than a 'gay' thing.".
I do wish to mention that chemistry is necessary. Yet, chemistry is a considered that we cannot manage in a relationship; it is either there or not there, and it must be there for the partnership to work. If not there, we cannot "make" chemistry happen, though often it can grow in time.
When the hormone-induced intoxication wears off and reality hits, Singles who pursue a relationship based upon sexual chemistry danger relationship failure.
To prevent the Sex Trap, you should stabilize your heart (and hormones) with your head. This Home Page suggests combining chemistry with sound judgment. While good sex is necessary for a sustainable relationship, you require to make your partner options by paying full attention to your vision, requirements, values, and goals -- while feeling all those exciting stimulates!