The Intimacy Deception, Balancing Hormones and the CraniumAs I had my early morning coffee, the "Dear Abby" column caught my eye. A reader composed in with a dating predicament and ended her letter with that often-heard stereotype that "Women use sex to get love, and males utilize love to obtain sex." This is a great summation of the "Sex Trap."
The Sex Trap resembles the Love Trap, where singles analyze great sex as love. However those who fall into the Sex Trap go even further since for these singles, making love carries tremendous meaning and consequences.
Singles fall under the Sex Trap in one (or both) of two methods:
A.they believe sex is a essential test of compatibility, (if the sex is great then the relationship will ready too).
B.more typically, all consciousness heads out the window, and one or both formerly level-headed singles consider themselves a dedicated couple as quickly as they have sex.
Rather than looking at whether this other individual might be a match on levels other than physical tourist attraction-- such as long-lasting requirements, needs, and wants-- they are blind-sided by the chemistry under the covers.
No doubt, it can be challenging to keep in touch with truth when all those hormonal agents are running wild. Our body responds to somebody we are brought in to by producing hormones such as PEA or phenylethylamine (natural amphetamine), dopamine and norepinephrine (natural mood enhancers), and testosterone ( boosts sexual desire), makings the opportunity to make love with someone we are attracted to exceptionally hard to resist. After orgasm, we produce oxytocin (which acts on the hypothalamus to produce feelings), which makes us feel very close to and bonded with our sex partner.
These chemical responses are involuntary and strong , causing effective sensations of attraction, excitement, love, wellness, and nearness .
When problems develop, those who fall into the Sex Trap typically justify by believing, "Well, we've got issues, however the sex is excellent!" They probably wouldn't confess, but they prioritize physical intimacy and regard view the rest as optional. Their main scouting tools are sexual attraction and physical compatibility.
Barry North, an RCI coach who works primarily with gay men, says that a number of his clients have fallen into the Sex Trap.
" For gay men especially in cosmopolitan areas, sex is easily available, and that in itself is a trap," North states. Why waste your time if the sex isn't really going to be good?".
Nevertheless, North includes, "I presume this is a ' man' thing instead of a 'gay' thing.".
I do want to mention that chemistry is essential. Yet, chemistry is a considered that we can't manage in a relationship; it is either there or not there, and it should be there for the partnership to work. If not there, we can't "make" chemistry take place, though in some cases it can grow gradually.
When the hormone-induced intoxication wears off and truth hits, Singles who pursue a relationship based upon sexual chemistry threat relationship failure.
To prevent the Sex Trap, you need to stabilize your heart (and hormonal agents) with your head. This indicates integrating chemistry with sound judgment. While great sex is very important for a sustainable relationship, you need to make your partner choices by paying full focus on your vision, goals, requirements, and values -- while feeling all those amazing stimulates!